


As Many Kisses As You Want

by heylittleangel



Series: Supernatural Bingos [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cas 'accidentaly' says they're married, I have a weird knowledge of medicine and stuff that I did NOT apply here, I would spend most of the time into medical stuff no one wants to know about, Like, M/M, Near Death Experience, and I had to fit this in 5k, because if I did, but happy ending, crying cas, hurt!Dean, like i said, most of it is angst, okay fine, only the end is happy, suffering!Castiel, there's a reason why I didn't mention Dean's wounds and stuff, there's angst at the start
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 03:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20885282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heylittleangel/pseuds/heylittleangel
Summary: Dean gets really hurt in a hunt and Castiel has no idea what he's supposed to do. He really doesn't.





	As Many Kisses As You Want

**Author's Note:**

> Hey peeps, how are you? Yes, I am back again and I’m sure y’all are going to get tired of me real fast haha (but I also hope you’re liking it too).This one was for the @writersofdestiel Weekly Words, with the prompt “Kiss Me” and for the @spngenrebingo for the square “Kisses”. [ ncdover ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncdover1285) beta’ed this for me. :) Thank you!

Castiel huffs under Dean’s dead weight, half running half dragging Dean with him. He makes his way to the Impala, almost letting the keys fall on the ground. He manages to open the passenger seat and put Dean in it. He walks around her and gets in on the driver’s side, turning the engine on. He steps on the gas pedal and drives away from the warehouse, leaving the sirens behind them. He can only hope that the officers won’t find anything about them there.

He drives like crazy in the streets, not worrying about getting speeding tickets or passing through red lights. The only thing in his mind is Dean and getting to a hospital as fast as possible. He checks Dean from the tail of his eyes, but he’s still unmoving. Castiel tries to shake him and Dean’s head only flops from one side to the other, no reaction.

Castiel starts to get more anxious, panic and adrenaline coursing through. He swears under his breath, turning the wheel abruptly when he sees the hospital on the other side of the street. Some cars honk at him but he doesn’t even turn to look. He parks the Impala in front of the doors, jumping out of it at the same time as he turns the engine off. He makes his way to the passenger side, opening the door. 

Putting Dean’s arm around his shoulders, Castiel pulls him out of the car, closing the door with a kick. Dean will be so pissed if he wakes up.  _ No, _ Castiel shakes his head,  _ not if,  _ when _ he wakes.  _ He walks through the doors, looking around to see where he’s supposed to go. He can’t find anyone and that makes him even more anxious. 

He sees a table a few feet from him and walks towards him. He slaps his hand on the counter, eyes roaming behind it, trying to find someone. A tired young man appears from behind a wall, eyes widening when he sees Castiel.

The man yells something, other people coming to him as he runs towards Castiel. “What happened, sir?”

Castiel lets the man take hold of Dean as another man comes with a litter. “We were attacked but I couldn’t see much, he was like this when I got to him ,” Castiel lies, hoping that it won’t raise too many questions; it will raise more if he tells them the truth.

The man nods as they start pushing the litter, that Dean is on top of, away. Castiel’s eyes widen as he tries to stop them. “Where are you taking him?”

“Don’t worry, he’s in good hands. Someone will come talk with you in just a minute, sir.”

Castiel still wants to follow them but he stops himself. He sees Dean disappear inside a room and his shoulders slump. Letting out a shaky breath, Castiel rests his arms on the counter and stares at his hands; they’re red with Dean’s blood and shaking. He closes them in fists, trying to stop them from shaking.

A sudden thought comes to his mind.  _ I need to call Sam _ . He fishes his phone out of his pocket and dials Sam’s number. It rings a few times and Castiel is about to give up when Sam answers it, “Hey Cas, everything okay?”

“Not really, Sam. Dean, he, uh, he got hurt. He’s, he’s with the doctors now and I don’t know what really happened yet.”

“What do you mean, Cas? What happened to Dean?”

Castiel shakes his head, closing his eyes. “I don’t know. We split up to find the monster but it ended up being two of them. One attacked me while the other attacked Dean, and I managed to kill one, but when I got to Dean, I-I don’t know. I don’t know what the other monster did. I killed it before it could kill Dean and I just took him and drove to the hospital. But he wasn’t moving, Sam, and there was so much blood.”

He hears Sam sigh. “Alright, I’ll be there soon, Cas—”

“No, Sam, you don’t need to come. Maybe it’s not something too serious. I’ll, I’ll let you know what the doctors tell me, but you should finish the hunt there. We’ll be okay here.”

“Are you sure, Cas? I can find someone else to finish this hunt.”

Castiel takes a deep breath, steadying his voice. “Yes, I’m sure. There’s not much we can do anyway, right?”

“Yeah, guess you’re right.” Sam sighs again. “Alright, but text me as soon as you know anything, okay?”

“Of course, Sam.”

Sam hangs up and Castiel lowers his phone. His hands are still shaking and red with Dean’s blood. He looks around the room, only now noticing people sitting on the chairs; most of them are busy with their own suffering and grief, but Castiel can see some looks of sympathy directed to him. He notices a sign for the bathroom and he walks mechanically towards, putting his phone back in his pocket.

He lets out a shaky breath as he turns the tap on, placing his hands under the water. He scrubs them clean, harder than he needs to, but the feeling of the sticky blood doesn’t seem to disappear; all Castiel can see is the red that seems to become more and more as he washes it. Starting to panic, Castiel uses his nails, scratching his hand to get rid of the blood.

It hurts but he can’t stop it; he just wants to wash Dean’s blood from his hands, he doesn’t want to be the reason for Dean’s death. He  _ can’t _ be. 

Castiel doesn’t even feel the tears as they start to fall through his eyes when he lets his head drop forward, resting his chin against his chest. He sobs painfully, his knees weakening as he lets himself fall against the cold floor. He doesn’t quite register the pain, head buried in his hands as he sobs uncontrollably.

He doesn’t know how long he stays like that, the cold floor making him shiver, body trembling along with his hiccups. His tears seem to come out of his eyes like a waterfall; never ending and fast. Castiel didn’t even know he would be able to cry like this; never even thought that he could suffer this badly.

The possibility of Dean dying permanently never seemed so real before; God knows how many times Dean has died but Castiel always knew he would come back, even if he had to do it himself, but now? Castiel doesn’t have his powers and he doesn’t have anyone by his side that could be powerful enough to bring Dean back. For the first time in his  _ very  _ long life, Castiel has to rely on the doctors and have faith in a science that, for him, is still so primitive.

Finally, after what feels like hours later, Castiel’s tears seem to stop and his sobs begin to grow quiet and have space between one another. He lets his hands fall to the floor and they seem clean when Castiel looks at them, aside from the marks of where he scratched himself; there are a lot of them, the red contrasting with his skin. Castiel rubs his fingers softly on top of them, the scratches stinging.

He hisses quietly and places his hands on the floor. He takes a deep breath before pushing himself up, knees aching from being against the floor for so long. Castiel stares at his reflection in the mirror; his hair is dishevelled, he has tear tracks on his cheeks, his eyes are red and puffy, and his lip is still trembling softly.

Cleaning the tears away, Castiel turns the tap on again and throws cold water on his face, trying to calm himself. He manages to take a few shaky breaths to get his breathing back to normal, and at least he doesn’t have his face marked with tears anymore. He opens the door of the bathroom, walking back to the counter where the same young man is still sitting.

The man raises his eyes to Castiel, stare soft and voice calm, “Sir, we need you to fill out some documents for us.”

Castiel nods. “Of course, whatever you need. Is there, uh, is there any news about Dean?”

Shaking his head, the man gives him a clipboard and a pen. “Not yet, but we’ll let you know as soon as we know something, alright?” Castiel nods again and starts to walk away when the man calls him, “Sir? I just need to know if you’re related to the young man and if you aren’t, are there any family members we can call?”

Castiel starts to panic and says the first thing that comes to his mind, “He’s my husband.”

“Oh, no problem at all, then. Let me know if you have any questions.”

He nods as the man smiles at him before returning to what he was doing. Castiel walks to one of the chairs, sinking down without too much attention. He doesn’t even know why he said he’s Dean’s husband; he could’ve said that he was his brother or anything like that. Or he could have just said that he wasn’t family, though that would probably be a lie. But if he hadn't said that he was Dean’s husband, he probably wouldn’t be able to go and see him when he gets out of surgery.

Castiel sighs, rubbing a hand on his face and trying to get rid of those thoughts. He has to focus on one thing first and that is filling out whatever these papers are. He’ll start panicking and break down if he thinks too much into things.

So, he starts reading the papers and answering whatever he needs; years of knowing Dean lets him answer everything without thinking twice. Reading and answering the questions helps him to stay grounded, too focused to freak out. 

It doesn’t take long for him to finish all the papers though; not as much time as he wishes it did. He walks back to the counter, handing it to the young man—Eddie, he learns. Eddie gives him a small smile and Castiel looks around him again, looking for something to do. He sees a coffee machine and decides to get something for himself, even though he knows it’ll taste bad.  _ It'll probably taste better than the bitter taste I have right now. _

Castiel practically drags himself to the machine, grabbing some coins from his pocket and putting them in the slot. The smell of coffee helps him wake up slightly more, pushing the tiredness away. He needs to be awake for when the doctors come with news about Dean. The last thing Castiel needs is to fall asleep right now.

He walks back to the chair after getting his coffee, letting his back rest against it. He watches the TV on one of the corners of the room, not exactly seeing it as he sips the horrible coffee. It tastes even more bitter than he thought, worse than how his mouth already was, but he drinks it anyway, trying to make the sinking feeling he has go away.

His eyelids insist on dropping after a few hours and Castiel fights against his sleep. He tries to keep his eyes wide open, tries to pay attention to the TV, but it’s useless; his head falls heavily onto his chest, his will of staying awake defeated by imminent sleep.

**↞***↠**

Castiel wakes up with a hand shaking him. He almost jumps out of his skin, eyes wide with the reminiscents of a nightmare; one filled with Dean’s dead eyes staring at him, saying that Castiel failed him. The doctor in front of him raises her hands.

“I’m sorry to wake you, but I thought you would want to know about your husband.”

Castiel opens his mouth to say  _ husband? _ but he closes it just in time. He nods, rubbing a hand on his eyes. “Yes, I’m sorry.” He stands up, staring at her. “How is he?”

“He’s a little more stable at the moment, but he’s still at risk. We did everything we could but it was too dangerous to keep under the anesthesia for much longer. He’s in the room if you want to see him. It may be good to get ready for the worst though.”

Her words are kind and calm, but they don’t make it easier; they hit Castiel almost like a bullet or a knife sinking in his chest—like Dean did all those years ago. He wants to laugh at the irony in that, because, this time, that knife actually hurts him, more than anything ever did. He nods at her slowly, following her as she leads the way to Dean’s room.

She says something before she leaves but Castiel doesn’t understand it, eyes glued at Dean; he has tubes going into his mouth to keep him breathing, IVs in both of his arms, one with what Castiel assumes is blood and all the others unknown to him—probably antibiotics and stuff. He has a few stitches on his left brow and Castiel can see part of a bandage going under Dean’s hospital gown.

Castiel almost falls to the floor when his knees fail to support him again. His eyes fill with tears and he needs to support himself on the wall. The machines around Dean beep annoyingly but that at least means that Dean’s still alive; barely, but he is.

Walking slowly towards the bed, Castiel sniffles as he stares at Dean. Dean looks pale, too pale; his lips are almost white and when Castiel takes his hand between his, Dean feels cold, so cold that it makes Castiel wonder if he has any blood pumping inside of him. The blood bag tells him that yes, Dean has blood inside of him but also that he doesn’t have enough yet.

Castiel sits on the chair by Dean’s side, his hands still clutched with Dean’s. He lets his head rest against their hands, the tears starting to fall again. Dean’s hand is limp between his, insisting on falling from Castiel’s hold. That makes Castiel sob painfully, his chest hurting as he tries to breathe between sobs.

He loses track of the time as he cries by Dean’s side, pleas spilling out of his mouth without him thinking about them; all of them for Dean not to leave him, for Dean to fight for his life when there isn’t anything that Castiel could do. Castiel prays for an unknown force to help him—his brothers, sisters, his Father, anyone that could make this right. After a while, they start to get random, just  _ please _ ’s,  _ don’t go, Dean _ ’s, and things unrecognizable.

He lets his arms rest on the bed, hands still clutched to Dean’s, and lets his head rest against his arms. He doesn’t pay attention to anything around him, the beeps of the machines fading into the background, his sobs and tears starting to lessen. Castiel doesn’t know how long he stays like that, dozing off and waking up when there’s a sudden noise. He sees nurses come and go, checking Dean’s vitals or the medicines that are in his arms, leaving without a word; though Castiel doesn’t fail to notice that they stare sadly at him.

There’s nothing he can do about the stares and it’s not like he actually cares about them; the only thing in his mind is Dean and if they’re coming and checking on him, that means he’s still hanging onto life and that’s enough for Castiel.

Castiel only lets go of Dean’s hand when the sun’s up behind the curtains, a few rays of light coming through them. He fishes his phone out and texts Sam to let him know about Dean’s state. Sam replies almost instantly, asking if Cas is okay and to give updates about Dean whenever something changes. The same doctor that woke Castiel up earlier comes into the room a few minutes later, dark bags under her eyes but a small smile on her lips.

“Good morning, Mr. Novak.”

He tries to return the smile to her but he doesn’t have any will inside of him to do it, so he only nods at her. “Do you have any news, doctor?”

“Well, nothing changed much during the night, but Mr. Winchester’s vitals grew slightly stronger through it and he’s still fighting to stay alive. That’s good and it means we can take him back to surgery later.”

Castiel frowns at her. “Surgery, again?”

She nods, taking the clipboard from the end of Dean’s bed. “Yes, we still have a few things to do and if he’s stronger now, it’s a good time to do it. You should go and get some rest while he’s in surgery.”

He shakes his head. “I want to be here if anything happens, if he…” Castiel trails off, moving his eyes to Dean.

“I know, but there’s not much you can do. If anything happens at all, we’ll call you immediately. I’m sure the nurses won’t mind letting you sleep and shower here, but you should get your stuff and eat something. When your husband wakes up, he’ll need you to be okay, not in a hospital bed too.”

Castiel’s shoulders slump at her softness and he ends up nodding. “If anything at all happens—”

“We’ll call you,” she cuts him with a smile. “I promise.”

Castiel sighs and stands up, looking at Dean one last time before looking at the doctor. “Thank you.”

“No problem, Mr. Novak. I know exactly how you feel and I had a great doctor who always let me know what happened.” She smiles at him again and this time he returns it.

“Do you know how long the surgery will last?”

“Could be a few hours but we’re never sure. He’s in good hands, though, I promise.”

Castiel nods one more time, thanking her again, and then leaves. He stands outside the hospital for a few minutes, letting the wind cool him down. He doesn’t want to leave but the doctor was right: when Dean wakes up, he’ll need Castiel to be okay because he’ll need someone by his side during his recovery. The last thing Castiel wants is to end up in a hospital bed too.

**↞***↠**

Almost a month passes and Castiel gets more restless by the hour; Dean’s still in a coma and the doctors don’t know why. Sam arrived a week after Castiel brought Dean in and they’ve been taking turns to stay with him—though Sam has to practically drag Castiel out of the hospital himself most of the time.

The doctors say they don’t have anything else to do but wait, and Castiel freaking hates it. He has to rely on Dean coming back on his own and hope that Billie’s gonna actually let Dean wake up, because he can’t even think of the alternative; that Dean’s not going to wake up at all, that what’s keeping him alive at the moment are the machines and only them.

Sam doesn’t seem much better than Castiel feels; he’s snapping at the little things, researching all the ways he could help Dean get back to them, and nada. Castiel’s sure he would go after a demon if he hadn’t forbidden Sam from doing it.

Castiel has also researched ways to bring Dean back, reading book after book as he stays with Dean, but he can’t find anything. Not even the Men of Letters have anything about it. Castiel’s annoyed at it; he’s annoyed at everything. He wants to scream at the doctors, he wants to scream at Dean, he wants to scream at the world. He just wants Dean to wake up because he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he doesn’t; but there’s nothing Castiel can do and he has never felt so useless in his life. He never missed his grace as much as he does at the moment.

He parks the Impala with a sigh outside of the hospital. He has a few books on the passenger seat and a duffel with some clothes for the week; Sam needs to go back to the bunker for some emergency, one that Castiel didn’t pay enough attention to know about it, so Castiel will spend the whole week with Dean. Not that he hasn’t been doing it, but, this time, no one will attempt to make him leave.

He finally gets out of the car, grabbing his duffel and the book before walking to the doors. He sees Sam at the counter, talking with Eddie. Castiel frowns when he sees a smile on Sam’s face, not understanding what could’ve made him happy. There was no reason for him to be happy.

Making his way towards Sam, he adjusts his hold on the books with a heavy sigh. Sam turns to him, smile growing when he sees Castiel.

“Cas! I have good news.” Castiel opens his mouth to give a snarky reply but Sam beats him, “They took the respiration tube from Dean. That means he’s closer to waking up.”

Castiel feels his lips opening in a smile and a huge weight seems to be lifted from his shoulders. “He is? That’s great news, Sam!”

Sam nods happily. “They don’t know for sure  _ when _ he’ll wake up, but they say there’s a good chance that it’ll be soon. So, text me as soon as he does, okay?”

“Of course, Sam.” He hands the keys to Sam. “Drive safe.”

“I will.” Sam starts to walk away but turns before he gets too far. “Cas, don’t forget to eat, okay? Please.”

Castiel nods absently. “I won’t forget it, Sam.”

Sam seems to buy it, turning and walking away. Castiel gives a smile to Eddie before walking to Dean’s room. Other nurses wave at him, giving him smiles. Castiel knows practically all of them from the time he’s spent in the hospital so far, along with the doctors. 

He puts his duffel by the door and the books beside it. He looks at Dean and he seems to have a little more colour on his face; the absence of the tube seems so weird to Castiel, making Dean look like he is only asleep this time, his face peaceful and relaxed in a way that Castiel has hardly ever seen him. He brushes a strand of hair off Dean’s forehead, letting his hand rest on his hair after. Dean feels warmer today and that makes Castiel feel slightly better. This is more like the Dean he knows.

Sighing, Castiel walks back to take one of the books from the pile and sits on the chair. He readies himself for a long read, trying to find the most comfortable position for himself. He folds his legs on the chair and rests his elbows on them, keeping the book eye-level. He can still see Dean in that position and that’s enough for him.

He immerses himself in the book, keeping tabs of the pages where he thinks there may be some useful stuff. He loses track of the time as he usually does, barely noticing the nurses that come in to check on Dean. 

When he’s about to close the book and get something for himself to eat, he hears a grog, tired, and hoarse voice from his side, “Heya, sunshine.”

Castiel’s eyes widen and he almost lets the book fall on the floor when he turns to look at Dean, who has his eyes half-open and a small smile on his lips. Castiel freezes for a second before he throws the book on the floor and practically throws himself on top of Dean, eyes filled with tears.

Dean huffs slightly when Castiel puts his arms around him and he’s about to pull away when Dean holds his arm weakly. “Don’t,” he coughs, hold tightening a little. 

Castiel lets his head rest on Dean’s shoulder, tears soaking his gown. They stay like that for a few minutes, Castiel trying to control his breathing and stop himself from crying from happiness. Dean manages to put his arms around Castiel, running up and down Castiel’s back.

When he thinks he can finally speak without crying, Castiel pulls away, staring into Dean’s eyes. “How are you feeling, Dean?”

“I’m alive, so I think that’s good. But I’m thirsty as fuck. And hungry.”

Castiel stands up to get the jar with water, filling a cup and taking it to Dean. He helps him sit and hands him the cup after. Dean drinks it fastly, coughing a little. Castiel takes the cup from his hands, placing it on the table beside the bed.

“I’m gonna call a nurse to check on you.”

Dean holds his arm, stopping Castiel from walking away. “Not now, let me wake up a little more.” Castiel nods, sitting on the edge of the bed. “What the hell happened?”

Castiel tells him everything that happened since the hunt, talking about how scared he and Sam were that Dean wasn’t going to wake up. Dean listens carefully and then tells Castiel what happened before the monster got to him.

“Do you remember anything when you were in the coma, Dean?”

He shakes his head. “Funnily, not even a thing. I just hope that’s a good thing. So, where’s Sam?”

“He had an emergency to deal with in the bunker. He left a few hours ago.”

Dean nods, looking at him with a soft smile. “And how did you manage to stay here? I thought they only left family.”

Castiel scratches the back of his neck, flustered. “I, uh, I told them that we’re married.” Dean smirks at him, making Castiel blush harder. “I panicked and I didn’t know what to do.”

Dean takes Castiel’s hand between his. “It’s okay, Cas, I get it.” Dean pulls Castiel a little closer. “Though I think you owe me a kiss.”

Castiel’s eyes widen as he stares wordlessly at Dean. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out of it. Dean chuckles, putting a hand on Castiel’s cheek. “Just kiss me, dummie.” 

He doesn’t need to be told twice; they grow closer until their lips touch and Castiel melts into the kiss. He puts his own hand on Dean’s cheek, letting it move to Dean’s hair. They rest their foreheads together afterwards, breathing the same air as they stare into each other’s eyes.

“That’s a hell of a kiss, Cas. Sad that it’s just one.”

Castiel smiles. “I’ll give you as many kisses as you want, Dean.”

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can find me on [ tumblr ](https://gii-heylittleangel.tumblr.com)


End file.
